What are the A B C’s of adoption? For the purpose of this post they
are acceptance, being there, and communication. For other purposes
they may be other things depending on what the person wants them
to be, but to me these are the three most basic things in an adoptive
Acceptance is a two-way street. The adoptive parents must accept
their adopted child unconditionally, with whatever baggage he or she
brings along, and acknowledge his or her adoptive status. Accept that
your child is not your flesh and blood, but is yours to nature and nurture.
Accept that your adoptee has a right to acknowledgment of such, no
secrets to hide this. The adoptee, on the other hand, should feel
comfortable in acknowledging his or her status as an adoptee, that you
are his or her parent(s), and that he or she is appreciative of being given
the opportunity of having a family to call his or her own. In my book,
acceptance and appreciation say a lot more than simply being grateful.
Being there, an important step the adoptive parent(s) must strive to
achieve. The adoptee must know that they will be there if he or she
requires comforting, needs someone to talk to, or needs help of some
kind that they can provide. The adoptee should also be told by them, if it
is a known fact that the biological parents haven’t died, that their biological
parent(s) loved him or her and would be waiting with open arms to accept
him or her when the time comes if at all. The adoptee should be warned as
well that should the biological parent(s) not act in such a manner, it isn’t
his or her fault. Give it time. In many cases the issues resolve on their own.
Sometimes though they don’t and it may be for their best.
Communication helps all sides get through the tough times as well as the
good ones. Communication between the adoptive parent(s) and the adoptee is
of utmost importance. I missed out on this. My parents used a foreign
language to communicate between themselves so I wouldn’t understand. When
I started picking up words here and there, letting on that I knew they were
talking about me, they switched to yet another language. An adoptee needs the
communication of parent to child. Give it to them. If parents want to discuss
something the adoptee shouldn’t hear, wait until the child is asleep or the adult
adoptee has left. There is no need of sneaking in things in a foreign language in
their presence. It makes the adoptee feel strange, suspicious they’re talking
about him, and could lead to lack of trust.
So help build a great relationship. Remember the three basics: acceptance,
being there, and communication. You’ll never go wrong with this.
What are your thoughts on the three basics? Leave your comments below.